This week has been interesting to say the least...

It was the first official week of getting up early, reading the Bible...etc. I did alright, but certainly not as well as I could.

It was a week in which I came face to face with one of my biggest struggles. Ironically, many people have said this to me in so many different ways, but I just didn't hear them because of the depth and weight of this sin. It came about as I was meeting with a group of friends from church for a weekly "gathering." Inexplicably, I was the object of many hearty laughs and jokes which was not a big deal, in fact, more often than not, I enjoy being the center of attention. But something bothered me deeply when the jokes became what I took as personal...

After some reflection, talks with God, talks with mentors I came to a startling conclusion... my struggle is Pride/Arrogance. Ouch.

I confess that I give my opinion too soon so as to "stand up for myself."
I talk about things I know very little about to get a rise out of people.
I speak using my emotions as a catalyst if I don't get what I want.
I say things are backed up with God when they really aren't.
I "take control" of situations to seem wise.
I do not let myself be vulnerable because it gives off the impression that I'm weak.
I care more of what people think of me than I lead them to believe.

The reason this is so huge is because it is impossible to be a great leader (something I'm naturally geared for, praise God) without humility. Leadership is not being the "boss," leadership is being open for criticism, vulnerable to faults, an example, a facilitator, and primarily, a messed up person that God wants to show others his glory through (i start to think, have I ever read the bible?). This is a rather large responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly and that's why I'm glad God revealed these truths but I'm pained in my soul at how this has affected my relationships and life.

This may not seem overly incredible, but for me to identify this is HUGE!

So, my call to action... In response, my first baby step is to limit expressing my opinion. I am going to test the extreme of NOT giving my opinion unless asked so as to reveal to me the value of my words. 1 week, that's the challenge. To be aware of my words, thoughts, and how they affect others. This.is.starting.NOW.

Recently I was talking to one of my friends about how he seems so centered and focused on the moments he is living. He is a very joyful and peaceful person to be around and I kept telling him... "I want that. I want to know why you are this way and how I can get it to." After all, I am a Christian already, and he is as well. So, as I thought, it can't be just Jesus that I want... or is it?

In the Old Testament, throughout the book of Exodus, the scriptures tell the people of Israel to remember the day of rest. It's also one of the ten commandments. In regards to the New Testament, Jesus is asked about the Sabbath day after he does 'work' on the day of rest. He responds with "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." (Mark 2:27)

So, if this special time was MADE for me, what is the significance? After all, it is also a command.

Sabbath literally is taking a day to rest. Yes, a full 24 hours of REST!! God took one, we are commanded repeatedly in scripture both directly and indirectly..

If Sabbath is supposed to be a day of rest, I'm not sure how to do this well. I'm distracted with everything!! This world is not condusive to rest and taking time out to reflect on the goodness of God. If I'm not distracted by other people, I'm distracted by media. If I'm not distracted by my cell phone, I'm distracted by my computer. If I'm not distracted by the dirtiness of the kitchen then I'm distracted by the pile of laundry that is growing. There are non-stop distractions in this world that we live in.  I go to spend time with God and all I can think about is the dirt on the floor when I'm kneeling to pray. I go to write in my journal and notice the lack of pens!! I can never win.

Most people are overwhelmed, stressed, busy, unpeaceful and just generally unhappy. So, how is this connected to Sabbath?

I think the answer to our worn-out/unhappy world is taking an honest Sabbath. 24 hours of time to take it easy, reflect on what you've been doing and what you are planning to do and most importantly to spend a significant time reflecting on the goodness of God and asking him to really show you his grace.

How do we do this? How do we Sabbath well in spite of  the distractions?

Great Question. Still trying to figure this out. But my first step is praying about it. Here is my prayer...

God, Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for giving me the desire to seek you and know you more. I ask that you would help me to know what it means to Sabbath well. Show me more people like my friend who does Sabbath well so I can see a vivid example of what this means. I long to meet with you and take time out of my busyness, show me opportunities to make time. Thank you. I love you, help me to have a heart for your people.

If you want to check out an awesome sermon by Pastor @JonMcIntosh about Sabbath, click on the link and it will take you directly to the Audio.

Jon McIntosh Sermon on Sabbath

How could it be that I've fallen this far?
Asleep to the truth, yet awake in the dark.
I fell for the trick, how ungrateful
I've become in Your eyes.
Am I so foolish to chase and demand,
things of this earth that were made by Your hand.
Drawn in deceit by exchanging
Your truth for a lie.

Satisfy my soul.
And drown my heart in Yours.
'Til I find that all of me desires You.

When I consider the moon and the stars
Excuse have I none, to describe who You are.

And still I exalt the created.
Oh Lover of mine, bring sight to my eyes.

Satisfy my soul.
And drown my heart in Yours.
'Til I find that all of me desires You.

Beautiful, Wonderful, Colorful, Maker
What if we could only see You, the Creator. (repeat)

Satisfy my soul.
And drown my heart in Yours.
'Til I find that all of me desires You.


The lyrics to this song really speak to where my heart is at. I'm so thankful for God and my salvation but over and over again I trade my Creator for his creation. It's so easy to do when we live in a world that seeks to make yourself #1. Our world is falling apart, which in a sense is really great because when you take away everything from people who think they have everything, they start to see where their foundations really live. See, this is why God is so good to us. He would destroy what we know as good so that we can SEE what is really good. Him.

2010, I'm excited it has come and humbled at the same time. It is the purest reflection of my lack of accomplishments this side of heaven but gives great hope for another opportunity to serve and honor God. I have made a list of things I want to find this year in 2010... Here goes the confession...

Things I want to find in 2010:

· Who I am

· What I like to do outside of work and church

· What kind of hobby do I like

· What’s my favorite color

· What I would look like if I were 50lbs thinner

· A new job

· A direction for my life

· Self-Discipline

· The perfect shades and application of Make-up

· What I like better, the ocean or the mountains

· What’s my favorite kind of cheese

· How to ice a cake

· How to be a good host for a party

· Who I should take advice from

· How to talk and not offend people

· Reading the bible as more exciting

· An adventure

· What my clothing style is

· What it means for me to submit my life to Christ everyday

· What my favorite food is

I hope to continue to add to this list... I've come to the conclusion I have just lived my life so far as other people want me to live it, and this is not adequate for me. I want to know what God wants me to do. I want to live my life slower, more appreciative, reflective, peaceful and restful.

Let's see what 2010 has in store, shall we?

This doubt is screaming in my face
This familiar place sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what I know to be real
put away all I know for tonight
and maybe I just might learn to let it go
take my security from me
maybe finally I won't have to know everything

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now
if I do not know how
to figure this thing out

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I'm against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in
walking on a cloud of dust to get to you

I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on

and I am falling into grace to the unknown
to where you are and faith
makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you

I don't know how the stars hang
Or how there's night and then there's day
I don't know how you spoke into the black
and made it all obey

(Chorus)
All that I know is the bleeding in my heart
and the healing in your touch
All that I know is that you gave everything
so let that be enough...it's all I know, it's all I know

I don't know how your love works
Or how you cover me in grace
I don't know how you swallow all I am
when I can't stand my taste, oh

(Chorus)
All that I know is the bleeding in my heart
and the healing in your touch
All that I know is that you gave everything
so let that be enough...it's all I know

And I can't explain your mystery,
but I know the answer

(Chorus)
All that I know is the bleeding in my heart
and the healing in your touch
All that I know is that you gave everything
so let that be enough...it's all I know, it's all I know

I'm human, of all things I have realized lately that's the most profound. So often I attempt to be the god of my own life and allow other "little god's" influence me. Those idols may be a television show, food, boredom or the more extreme, people. Why do we allow things to take the place of the One? As outlandish as it seems to think we would replace the Amazing for the mediocre, all of us do it. I'm human.

With all that being said, a huge prayer of my heart as of lately has been answered and it's glorious. I'm reminded of my humaness when this happens because of all the days I spent worried, pondering, overanalyzing and doubting (yes doubting) my Creator that promises that He knows the plans He has for me and they are for good not evil. The weakness of my flesh overcomes me at times. Our God is fantastic.

I was able to find a job in the field that I received my degree in and that is great. Although it may not be exactly what I dreamed of, I think it is exactly what my God ordained for me. So I will try to trust, after all, he never lets me down.

So that is the update for now. A reminder that I am completely human and I have no ability of my own to be successful in the walk with the Lord. Grace.